My friends, my friends, John McCain is getting pathetically desperate…

I almost expect to hear him say, “I know Britney Spears. Britney Spears is a friend of mine. And Senator, you are Britney Spears.”

John McCain has started hitting not just below the belt, but swinging at the floor. He’s painting Barack Obama…fresh from his tour of the other side of the world where he scored points just about everywhere he sat down, making himself the first U.S. politician in quite a while who didn’t embarass us with a pumped fist and stupid exclamation, the groping of another leader, a missed entrance or exit, or an embarrassing misstatement of fact…he’s painting Barack Obama as someone who’s all image and no substance.

Yeah, really, he is.

He’s also saying Obama is “out of touch” and not prepared for the job of president.

That’s a lot like Kirstie Alley calling Valerie Bertinelli fat because she’s going to Jenny Craig.

McCain’s presidential wrecking crew—and that’s what they’re coming across as being—today released a TV ad that compares Obama’s popularity to that of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, questioning whether being a “celebrity” qualifies someone to be president.

You can almost hear McCain saying, “”Aww, you’re not paying enough attention to me. That’s not fair!

And McCain would have said more about Obama being out of touch, but it was time for his computer-tutoring lesson. (“Now, Senator, this is called e-mail…”)

The candidate who started out talking about high-minded, civil debate has sunk to this. When do the Swift Boat Veterans appear?

But now that McCain has come out swinging, even if it is as a pathetic loser in a bar-room brawl, I have some suggestions for other attacks he may want to try:

  • Obama is black. Yes, make no mistake about it. It’s a subject that’s been tip-toed around till now, but Barack Obama is undeniably a black man. This raises serious questions about whether he’s qualified to be president.
  • Obama never served in Vietnam. How can you send troops into combat when you’ve ever been there yourself? That’s an issue the Republicans hammered home hard during the Clinton years, but for some odd reason, after 2000 they quickly dropped it. Can’t imagine why…
  • Obama doesn’t wear a flag pin. Not only that, he probably doesn’t even know the words to the national anthem. Oh, sure he probably knows the first verse, up to the point where the umpire shouts, “Play ball!” But does he know the rest of it? Some patriot…
  • Obama is articulate and well-prepared. Would you really want to drink a beer with this guy? Would he be fun after he had a few too many? Doubtful. A playful politician, like George W. Bush, would probably reach up the skirt of the waitress or spit a cherry pit at another table. Not Obie. Too interested in being a “statesman,” too concerned what the snooty French might think.
  • Obama is a Democrat. How can you have someone from a different party running for president? What if we let anybody run: Libertarian, Green, Socialist, Independent, woman? What kind of country would this be?

I don’t know why Mickey is keen on trying such desperate tactics. Polls show him virtually neck-and-swollen-neck with Obie-Wan. There’s little need to start campaigning like you’re trailing by ten points. Maybe this sort of tactic just comes naturally to Herr Karl Rove, who is now guiding the McCain warship.

Actually I’m surprised McCain hasn’t attacked Obama’s faux presidential seal, a cheeky bit of gamesmanship in my opinion. If he’s not going to go after that, then I think the Arizona senator had better get cracking on some of my suggestions and fast, before Britney runs over her kids and steals away all his attention.


One Response to “My friends, my friends, John McCain is getting pathetically desperate…”

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