All the news that’s fit to print…

I don’t understand why the mainstream media‘s favorite past-time is ignoring the news. While they do story after story about McCain’s taunting of Obama, whether Obama is presidential or, nowadays, perhaps too presidential, the real news as usual goes almost unreported: Herr Karl Rove, George Bush’s ex-Reich Minister of Public Enlightenment and Propaganda, has been saddled up to John McCain’s election team. The turd continues to blossom. This college dropout, who nonetheless during the Watergate years led a series of weekend seminars for college Republicans on, among other things, political espionage and domestic spying, is now steering the McCain warship full speed ahead. Since he took over, the man who promised this campaign would be high-minded and not chock full of personal attacks has been personally attacking Obama every chance he gets in rather schizophrenic fashion, comparing the Illinois Senator to everyone from Britney Spears to God.

Lessee, doesn’t Karl Rove have somewhere to be? Oh, yeah, appearing before Congress. I guess we now know why he didn’t show: he was too busy guiding Johnny Mac’s campaign to clear a spot in his busy schedule. I like the way nothing has happened to Turd and isn’t likely to. You try not appearing before a federal committee of any sort when you’re ordered and see how far you get. Then again, Turdy didn’t feel like answering the call to Vietnam either. Some people are just born special. (I have what as far as I can tell is a totally original idea: why not make all those who didn’t answer to call to Vietnam serve their years in Iraq instead? For that record, that’d be President Bush, Veep Cheney, Karl Rove, Mitt Romney, Jeb Bush, Trent Lott, Newt Gingrich, Bill Frist, Phil Gramm, Rick Santorum, John Ashcroft, Dick Armey [despite the name], Tom Delay, Bill Bennett, Elliot Abrams, Richard Perle, Roy Blunt, Jack Kemp, John Boehner, Ari Fleicher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kenneth Star, Rudy Giuliani, Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, John Roberts—but WordPress informs me I only get 10MB for this blog, so I don’t want to use it all up listing Repuglican patriots who love their country.)

Anyway, back to Rove, he’s teaming up with McCain, who claims he’s not going to give us The Bush Third Term. Right. There are people who still believe GW got “bad intelligence” too. What’s interesting, though, is that hardly any mention of this unholy alliance, this teaming up of Mr. Hyde and Mr. Hyde, has percolated through the same mainstream media that tells you every day what the status of Britney’s custody battle is, how much snapshots of Brangelina’s new babies cost, and whether A-Rod has been seen in the dark of night with Madonna. Don’t believe me? Try Googling McCain and Rove together and watch how many articles pop up. All the people I’ve talked to recently, including people in the news business, were surprised when I told them that Herr Karl has now hitched a ride on the Straight Talk Express. No wonder interest in “mainstream media” is at an all-time low. The mainstream media wouldn’t recognize an important story if it shit in their Starbucks lattes.

What I don’t understand is why so far KKKarl is doing such a bad job of it. I mean, he’s taken McCain from looking like a frustrated, hot-headed loose cannon and made him look like a really frustrated, hot-headed loose cannon. I know the election is a ways off still and lots could change. But at this point the campaign is behaving as if their candidate is ten points behind and the election is a week away. These aren’t the tactics you’re supposed to employ when your guy is nearly neck-and-swollen-neck with the opponent. On the other hand, Rove may be a turd, but he’s no dumbshit, so maybe he knows what he’s doing, and we’ll all be saying “President McCain” next January, as we Google maps of Canada…

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