All the news that’s fit to print II

The twins. I haven’t even seen them. I know nothing about them, whether they’re both boys, both girls, boy-girl, fraternal, identical, gay or straight, meat-eating or vegetarian. I don’t know their names. And I don’t want to. I’m sick of them. They’re in the news every fucking day. Every time I log on to a news web site, the first headlines that smack me in the face are inevitably about these two creatures. And I’m not just talking about websites like People and Get A Life Weekly. These brats are everywhere. (I mean Brad and Angelina, not the twins.) Headlines about them appear above headlines about the elections, the economy, Iraq, the environment, and everything else. On Google News, for mundane stories on political or economic subjects, there are links to maybe ten or fifteen articles. For the Brangelina twins there are links to thousands.

I always hear about the “limited resources” in journalism. That is the official explanation as to why so many deserving stories don’t get covered, or covered in depth. Funny how there’s always the resources to cover every fart of a celebrity. Or their goddamned twins, who haven’t even done anything yet, other than be born to a pair of narcissistic, egomaniacal parents who never met a dollar (or 14 million of them) they didn’t love. Of course, that’s all you have to do today to get the media to follow your every bowl movement. The real stories, Americans aren’t interested in those. Too tough. That’s why they vote for world leaders based on their cereal-box image. And why more people know the names of Brangelina’s twins than they do the vice president.


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