Sarah: The world is flat (as seen from a helicopter)…

Sarah and an unidentified woman look in on the librarian they imprisoned for subversion.

Sarah and an unidentified woman look in on the librarian they imprisoned for disobedience.

Sarah Palin.  The more we learn about her, the better it gets. For the first few days after McCain’s announcement, I was hoping he’d hold a press conference and say, “My friends, my friends, I made a mistake.  I meant to pick Michael Palin.”  No such luck.

While mayor of that small town that cartographers and cable-TV installation companies are adding to their maps right now, Sarah intimidated and tried to fire a public librarian because she wouldn’t censor books.  (Damn, librarians are getting uppity these days.  Once upon a time we’d never stand for such disobedience.)  She put the screws on Alaska’s Public Safety Commissioner because the guy wouldn’t fire an State Trooper after he went through a messy divorce with her sister.  Don’t fuck with hockey moms.

I wonder what Sarah’d do if McCain ever disagrees with her on some policy issue.  Use the army to take him out?  Loosen the rotor screws on Marine One?  Hide his Icy Hot?  Or Cindy’s Good ‘N’ Plenty?

Or maybe she’ll let him loose in a wildlife “preserve” and shoot him from an airplane.  To some this kind of “sport” may be hard to understand, but Repiglicans, remember, love it.  It resembles the way they go to war—pick on an enemy a fraction of your strength and act as though it’s a legitimate threat, so that you look and feel heroic and macho.  Kinda like what we did in Iraq.  And many other countries in the past.  Only in Iraq, the animals are winning.  Whoops! (They did that in Vietnam too, as John could surely tell Sarah if he can keep from flashing back to the bamboo cage one more time, which is doubtful.)

Apparently only rednecks thinks it’s cool to kill defenseless animals from airplanes and helicopters; most Alaskans, err, shot down the aerial “safari” measure.  But Sarah doesn’t take NO from her citizens; only a liberal wuss would do that.  As it says here:

This is the third time there’s been a statewide vote on this issue.

The other votes were in 1996 and 2000, both against aerial shooting.

The first vote was overwhelmingly against the issue and the second vote was a very strong majority.

However, the state Legislature overturned both of those decisions.

Thanks, Sarah, for doing “the people’s business.”  I guess that’s what you and Johnny Maverick mean by “Change.”

There’s more.  Aside from not believing in Evolution and saying global warming has nothing to do with all the crap we’re belching into the air, Sarah’s a member of the Flat Earth Society.

—Okay, okay, I fooled you.  She’s not.  At least as far as I can tell.  (Who knows what we’ll discover about her next week.)  But think for a second—it was not so out of the question that you didn’t consider it for a moment (or longer), right?  (Also note that the Flat Earth Society’s URL starts out “www.alaska.net.”  —Just coincidence?  Jesus kooks tell us there’s no such thing as coincidence.  It’s all Divine.)

Here’s something to ponder: When she and Johnny Mac are elected—and I’m sure they’ll win; they’re ignorant and feeble and without substance, just like the people voting for them—both will make George W. look like a Rhodes Scholar.  Which is exactly what he has made Ronald Reagan look like.  If you’re as old as me, you remember how stupid Reagan was considered when he took office.  (The first time Gorbachev met him, he said he was shocked by how little he knew.)  Today they want to put the fart on Rushmore.  Remember that great movie Being There, about the autistic man who ends up being floated for the presidency at the end?  It’s not a satire any longer.  Jesus Christ, we’re going down…

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